How to be the best wedding guest of all time: ladies’ edition
Weddings are kinda our thing – we’ve been to a fair few. Over time, we’ve learned exactly what it takes to be the very best wedding guest in history. Ladies: read on for how to hit the wedding circuit like a pro.
Gents: we’ll get to you next time.
- Keep it casual. Like, jandals casual. Wear white, too – it’s totally your colour.
- Make a fashionably late entrance. If you time it right, you can walk down the aisle with the bride.
- Bring your iPad for photos. Stand in the aisle (best place to get photos, obvs) when the bride enters. Take a video accidentally and make her go back to the start and walk down again so you can get photos for real this time.
- Take selfies during the ceremony and post them to Instagram immediately. You have 73 followers – no way you’re jeopardizing your influencer cred with a #latergram.
- Be the first person to post photos of the couple to social media. Choose the ones where you look best – who cares if that’s the same one the bride is sneezing in.
- Go vegan three days before the wedding, then noisily gag at the table when the caterer serves you the lamb you ordered. Cry for the dead baby lamb.
- Size up the gift table and talk about all the different gifts – explain why they don’t even need a gift as you have spent so much to be at their wedding.
- Give the photographer tips on how to improve their game. They definitely want to hear about the free online photography course you almost finished. Tell them the couple was going to hire you, but you were too expensive and too busy being a guest.
- Drink a lot of wine. You’re at your most fun and best looking when you’re on the wine.
- Once you’ve got a bit of a buzz on, make up a speech on the fly. Repeat all the stories you told at the bride’s 21st.
- Heckle the father of the bride during his speech. Yours was better.
- Get to the d-floor first. If this means edging into the first dance, go for it. Pop and lock in the background while you wait for the couple to get out of the way.
- Stay till the very end. Cry when the groom’s aunt tries to put you on the bus. See that the driver is kind of cute and make friends with him. Tell him you’re not ready to go home yet, he will understand.
- Lose one shoe and your mum’s earrings that you borrowed without asking. Harass the couple for months afterward to try and get them back.
It might seem like a challenge to fit so much greatness into a single day, but think of the above as your one-way ticket to the wedding guest hall of fame. Or was it the hall of infamy? Hard to say, but at least you’ll be remembered!
(Ps: We tried to find photos of girls doing thier thang but either they are super good at hiding it or guys are actually way worse!)
Men: don’t think we’ve forgotten you. Your tips coming soon.